I am the most ridiculous person that I know of! First of all, I watched Tangled today, for the fifth time. And I got chills and cried, for the fifth time. Is that normal? Not sure. Then, I went to imdb.com to look up that main "Snatcher" from Harry Potter 7 (he's just so strangely attractive!), and ended up watching a new (to me) trailer for Harry Potter 7.2. AND CRIED!! Not just like my eyes got teary - tears streaming down my face! And of course it only got worse when I saw a picture of Hogwarts crumbling and on fire and started relating that to "the last days"...
In case I haven't proven my opening statement yet, I will go even further and share a recent experience with ya'll. Wednesday was the first day of my second term in school. I had had a nice relaxing 5 day break, filled with lots of good things, like going to Payson, seeing my favorite cousin before she moved to Texas with her husband, participating in an AWESOME regional conference and CES fireside on Sunday, hanging out with Ericka and the Girls on Thursday and Friday, having a sleep-over with Wendy on Saturday (ha...sleep-over. Yes I am almost 21), and finally - watching the Justin Bieber movie - Never Say Never - with my aunt, uncle, and cousins for Family Night on Monday. Without going into extreme detail, it's safe to say that I had Bieber Fever worse than any 12 year old I've ever met, for three consecutive days after I watched that movie. All the sudden my life was in shambles because I needed to marry that kid, and I wasn't exactly sure how to accomplish that. ANYWAY, I get to school on Wednesday, my teacher asks me and the other girl if we had a good weekend, and I nod, not thinking much of the situation because I'm still planning my wedding in my head. The other girl said No. Now let me tell you a little about her first. She is the epitome of hard work. She works at a gas station in Lehi, nannies two little girls, and goes to school. So usually her schedule is: get up at 5:00 a.m., catch the bus that gets her to the school at 6:30 a.m., wait for class to start at 8:00, go straight to work after school, get off work at midnight, do homework, go to bed around 2 or 3, and repeat. Yeah. And she works darn hard at school, trust me. Now with that in mind, let me tell you briefly about her weekend from...you know where.
She took a couple days off from work since she had a break from school, thinking that it would be a nice relaxing time. Wrong. The family she lives with (the ones she nannies for) is crazy. They believe that she has TB, because she had a SLIGHT reaction to her TB test - even though the orange paper clearly says she's good to go. But they went ahead and told everyone in their ward anyway, believing her to be contagious. So she had a nice time being avoided on Sunday as she attended church for the first time in over a year (which is a result of having to work on Sunday because the family pays her next to nothing). Wonderful. Another fun thing that happened that weekend was that the bus she was riding, along with her best friend and her best friend's baby, got in a crash, and the baby wasn't strapped down - she was holding her. I won't go into details, but know that the baby is fine. Imagine the permanent mental scars that event will cause. And finally, there was a dispute at home and....let's just say there was some domestic violence that harmed more than the people that live there. The police took care of it, and everyone in the house left for Texas, except my classmate, the two girls she nannies, and the father/instigator. So my classmate has been staying out after work even longer so as to avoid the guy, meaning she either slept in her car or walked into the house around 3:00 a.m.
And there I was planning my wedding. I've been thinking a lot about "reality" as I know it, and it is causing me to wonder more and more. What did I do to deserve the extra-fluffy life that I have? I am grateful for it, to be sure, but I can't help but think about those people (like my classmate) who have to work so much harder in life than I do and I wonder - is it better or worse in the long run? Should I be doing so much more than I am, or am I meant to just absorb the blessings I have because of the hard work and faithfulness of my parents? Is that my lot in life? Ok I don't fully know what that expression means, but the point of this rambling is that I've been doing a lot of self-evaluating, and confounded is how I would choose to describe my mind these days, so advice and/or encouragement would be much appreciated. And since this blog is way too long already, THE END!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
OH MY WORD...
Posted by Stephenie at 7:20 PM
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2 comments:
I felt an impression to say my two bits here, and not just b/c you asked for advice. Believe me when I say that no one has questioned life's blessings more than myself. Too many times I've caught myself thinking that I am TOO fortunate, and I ask myself "Do I deserve ANY of this?" Sometimes, I skip the question altogether and tell myself "I don't deserve any of these blessings." There are times when it is almost shameful to me, being so fortunate but not living up to those blessings.
However, if there's one thing I've learned (and this is recently, not something I learned years ago, although I wish I did), it's that you should never, EVER waste time questioning blessings. Sometimes we don't understand just how or why Heavenly Father blesses us the way He does. We wonder if we did anything at all to warrant these kinds of blessings. That's always been the line of thought in the Church, right? You be good, follow the commandments, and you're blessed. Cause and effect. Yet sometimes, the blessing comes first. When you think about it, blessings go far beyond simple enjoyment of life. God isn't just rewarding His children, He uses blessings as a method of teaching. Through blessings, we can learn how to be humble. Blessings are not an excuse to sit around and be content, but to enrich your testimony by sharing those blessings with others. If we are blessed with a certain talent, it is b/c Heavenly Father wishes us to enrich others and bring blessings to them.
It's not a one-way street though. If we are not diligent in our obedience of the commandments and of the teachings of the prophets, such blessings can be revoked.
So, I guess in answer to your question(s), I'd say just don't worry about it. Yes, all of us can do better in our lives. All of us can exercise more faith, display more obedience, and strive to better enjoy the companionship of the Holy Ghost. That is the burden of mortality; we are not perfect. What is important is that we give our best to the Lord. He makes up for the rest. So, instead of looking at blessings as, well, blessings, look at them as opportunities. Opportunities to do more, to strengthen your testimony and continually build your faith. Blessings are not an end result, but a start for something more.
Okay, I really went off on a tangent there. Sorry! I'll stop now.
Wizard - thank you so much! That was 100% exactly what I needed to hear, and are so right. Consider me inspired :)
Thank you thank you thank you!
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