Crazy Utards!

I have now been living in Utah for 2 months exactly. Some might think that my existence in this state is pointless because I still have no job and I'm not going to school, but I will have you know that I have learned some very valuable lessons from the experiences I've been....experiencing...? Anyway, I want to share a couple stories about the crazy state I live in.

First off, Utah drivers are all out to kill you. I thank my lucky stars whenever I finish a journey in my car (no matter how long the journey) and safely park, because the chances of me dying via car crash seem to be much higher in Utah. The other day I was headed home from the UPS store, and as I began to exit the parking lot, this crazy girl just zoomed right in front of me! She did have the right of way, and it wasn't even necessarily a close call, but I could tell she had seen me even though I couldn't see her around some huge truck. Whatever. We ended up at the same stop sign and both turned right and then both waited in the left turn lane, so it looked like I was following her out of anger or something. I noticed that she was driving a Ford F150 (Yeah baby!), and it certainly puzzled me! It just didn't make sense; Ford drivers aren't crazy... However, upon closer inspection, I noticed a miniature state of Texas emblazoned on the license plate. Pf! Go figure!

My second experience happened just this morning! After only getting 1 hour of sleep (that's right - 1), I joined my roommate Kelly and our good friends from EAC on a quest to Conference! It was my first time being in the conference center for conference!! Anyway, turns out the driver of the car we were following does not regard the speed limit in the same way as most normal human beings, and we had no choice but to speed as well because we really had no idea where we were going. So after almost dying a handful of times on the freeway, we finally reached Salt Lake City, only to find that our designated parking lot was full. So we parked a galaxy away and walked/ran to the conference center. So worth it! My favorite thing, though, was seeing the numberless concourses of Mormons marching their way to glory! I have never seen such a thing! There were Mormons EVERYWHERE!! All converging in the same place. It makes for a lot of people, I can tell you that. I decided that when I retire, I will buy a tour bus and only take it around Salt Lake on conference days and just let the tourists view what looks like a mass exodus in reverse - but they're all so smartly dressed! Oh wait...I take it back: my favorite part of the conference experience was definitely the people standing outside the conference center yelling at us for being murderers and deceivers. I especially loved one man who was saying "How many of you people are gonna go home and get drunk now? How many of you women are gonna go do drugs as soon as you get home??" Hahaha Is it wrong that I think they're so funny? Like seriously people... We don't tell you how to live your life and accuse you of being scum. Why do they think it's ok to do it to us?

Whatever....I'll add that to the list of questions that may never be answered in my lifetime. All in all, today was GREAT!! I wanted to stay in that Conference Center all the live-long day! I couldn't believe how fast that session went! It was the morning one, by the way. Anyway, I just thought it was important that I alert the masses about their impending doom, should they ever choose to migrate to the land of milk and honey. And Utards. Can't forget them! :)