For Tanner and Bryan

Last night I had the pleasure of going to the little theater in the bottom of the BYU Library that shows classic films from actual film strips (not just dvds!). It was pretty neat. The featured film? "It's a Wonderful Life". As some of you may already know, I've never had fond feelings toward that movie. Three Christmases ago I decided to give it another try (since I could remember the last time I'd seen it), and realized I didn't remember hardly anything about it. It was like watching a whole new movie. And I liked it well enough. Turns out the movie was fine, I just couldn't get over Jimmy Stewart.

But as I sat in that little, boiling-hot, theater room, with adults of all ages, experiencing the magic of the movie in a whole new way, it finally clicked; the puzzle pieced together in my heart. I laughed at the clever wit of George and Harry Bailey, grimaced at Mr. Potter as best I could, felt inspired by the beauty and class of Mary, and the final scene prompted tears that would not stop! Seriously - I feel like the woman next to me was probably thinking "what is wrong with this girl??" But I didn't care; I felt so good! And I still feel good! My feelings for Jimmy Stewart haven't changed, though - sorry. But even I can admit that he performed wonderfully in that wonderful movie.

And I can finally join the rest of the world in saying "I love 'It's a Wonderful Life'!"

I feel good about that.

An Amendment, If You Please

In September of 2010, I blogged about what makes a great roommate. I am here today to add one item to that list.

What makes a great roommate? Someone(s) who will listen while you share your favorite lines from each character in the Harry Potter movies.

Now that's charity.

On a side-note, if anyone is interested in a tutorial on how to boil frozen peas and end up burning them, I'm more than willing to share my expertise.

I See The Light!

Once upon a time, I despised 80's music. I could mostly handle songs that had withstood the test of time (like Total Eclipse of the Heart and Thriller), but I had no tolerance for 80's songs that were any less popular. I even felt sick to my stomache when I learned that we would be doing an 80's concert my senior year, but that is when the tiniest ray of light began to shine through the darkness. I was introduced to a couple songs that I didn't loathe entirely, i.e. "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar and "Making Love out of Nothing at All" by Air supply. Also "We Are the World" Hahaha!

In the summer of 2010, I moved to Utah. I had been dreaming of living in Utah all of my life, but fate played a cruel trick on me. The trick being that people from Utah love 80's music, and the radio even plays songs from the 80's quite frequently. Great. BUT a few more streaks of light broke through as I discovered "If This Is It" by Huey Lewis and The News, and "Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore" by REO Speedwagon.

And then came the bolt of lightning that shattered the darkness and let all the light come shining through! Phil Collins. I used to laugh at Phil Collins, knowing nothing of his work other than our chance encounters through our mutual friend, Walt Disney, but I have seen the light! "True Colors", "In The Air Tonight", "Against All Odds", and let us not forget "Groovy Kind of Love"! I mean, come on.... where would we be without these songs?? How did I live for 21 years without the greatness of Phil Collins?!

I can never go back and undo this cruel injustice, but I can move forward and proudly proclaim that I have finally seen the light. Thank you, Phil Collins, thank you.

Thoughts I've Had Today:

#1 If I didn't have personal standards to uphold, I would be a druggie.

Today in my dental materials class we were learning how to make custom trays. This involved some powder stuff and some liquid acrylic stuff. As soon as that bottle was opened, the room smelled like a nail salon - and I loved every second. Then I thought back on Monday afternoon when I walked past a boy changing slash maybe cleaning his breaks...? I don't know what he was doing, but he was using some mechanical-smelling-spray, and it smelled so good! I just wanted to stand by his car for the rest of the night. But I didn't know him. And we all know that I've always had a hard time when filling up my car with gas.... Or if you didn't know, you do now. So chances are I'd probably snort on the daily. No needles though. That's just creepy.

#2 I couldn't find a ziplock bag anywhere in my apartment, so I wrapped my sandwich in a napkin and foil.

It was pretty funny to begin with, but by the time I took the sandwich out of my packpack to eat it, I realized that I looked like a literal hobo. Well, I am wearing makeup and scrubs, so I don't think I, personally, looked like a hobo, but as soon as I whipped that sandwich out, I probably had the school security guards watching me like a hawk with one hand on their tazers. Just kidding. We don't have security guards.

#3 Sometimes I wonder if I should keep my thoughts to myself.

July in a Nutshell

• Stadium of Fire fireworks from right outside my apartment. Woohoo!
• Missionary home, missionary leaves, missionary home. All cousins.
• Break from school/Kira comes to visit!
• HHHHAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYY PPPPPPPPOOOOOOTTTTTTEEEEERRR!
• New term
• A whole lot of tomfoolery....
• More time spent with my extended family than I ever thought possible
• Babies, babies, babies
• Sang in Sacrament meeting with cousins Dustin, Dallen, Kalin, and Uncle Craig - dream come true
• Wendy moves to Spanish Fork!
• Meteor shower
• Deer hit our car
• 80s dance party
• Happy Birfday Harry Potter!!

Yeah...pretty good month.

In case you were wondering how I felt about the last Harry Potter...

Here's an exerpt from my journal entry from July 15, 2011 (the morning after):

"I am part of the Harry Potter generation, and my youth has just officially ended. But it ended so beautifully. So beautifully.

"I love Harry Potter. I am so proud to be a part of the Harry Potter generation. And yes, I know it's a fictional series and life will move on, and soon (for most people) Harry Potter will just be a book to read or a movie to watch or some sort of happy memory. I just wanted to share, once and for all, how much that series meant to me, and how much it has affected my life. At the close of this chapter, all I can say is: Thank you, Harry. Thank you."

I had no idea it would feel like it does. I wasn't even anticipating heartbreak! We all knew how it was going to end, and it's not like I'm never gonna watch the movies or read the books again, so I wasn't really concerned about it being the last movie. But let me make myself clear - there was a distinct change in my life from July 14 to July 15, and I'm not exaggerating. It feels different. I literally felt my childhood end and the clear prompting that it is now time to move on. Judge me if you want. I don't think I could ever explain this feeling, and I'll probably never forget it. I have been dedicated to that cause since I was 10 years old - just old enough to understand and appreciate Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for all it was worth.

And so - Did I sob/hyperventilate uncontrollably for 5 minutes after the movie ended? Yes.

Have I teared up randomly at least twice a day since I watched it? Yes.

Do I love Harry Potter more than ever? Yes.

Could I have asked for a better ending to my childhood? No.

Those are the facts. That's how I feel. Throw in a little "overwhelming gratitude", and you've got all the emotions I've had bottled up for the past 4 days. Eleven years of my life! Eleven years filled with magic.

It really was an incredible journey.

STILL Learning...

I happened upon a girl I went to college with while I was on facebook this morning. I remembered hearing that she was getting married, but didn't know if she had yet or not. So I stalked. Saw some wedding pictures on her Fbook, and instantly the judging began. Little creeping thoughts like: "she's too young", "she was very immature when we were at college", "I wonder what made her settle down", "I can't believe she went through the temple before me" (yikes), and I even sank so low (I'm ashamed to say) as to contemplate how long the marriage would last. Y-I-K-E-S!

Then I see a blog address on her Fbook page. Neat! Let's see if she still talks/thinks the same as she did a year ago. Reading, reading, creeping, judging...... Slap in the face. Oh, she's doing the best she can. She really struggles with some things like not fitting in and her mother not being alive, and she hurts in a way I never knew. Also she's doing the best she can to be a good wifey. She IS young, but she was not oblivious to the weight of her decision. She's doing the best she can.

But....isn't that what the rest of us are doing? Yup. Just like everyone else, she has flaws and trials and positive qualities and we do the best we can! I heard a phrase once that COMPLETELY changed my life, and it is this (sorry it's getting a little redundant): "You have to assume that everyone you meet is doing the best they can." That phrase helped me understand a lot of things that I couldn't before because I was so judgmental. Apparently I'm still learning.

Another quote that was given to me yesterday that I should really pay more attention to is this : "Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are the princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love." -Rainer Maria Rilke.

So I'm recommitting myself to not judge, just love. Anyone that wants to join me is more than welcome to.