What's Next?

It has been four years, almost to the day, since my last blog post. I'm so different than I was four years ago, and so much has happened; an unbelievable amount, actually. Rough overview:

- Finished school and started working as a dental assistant
- Socialized more than ever in my life
- Began learning who I was, and how to be ok with it
- Fell in love
- Went through the temple
- Served a mission in Montana (waddup 406??)
- Had my heart and spirit broken in more ways than I can convey
- Started (and continue) building my faith in God from the ground level
- Went back to work as a dental assistant (and I LOVE it!)
- Bought a car
- Moved back to Utah
- Hit the big 2-5
- Pierced my ears (for the fourth and LAST time)
- Visited my mission a few times
- Vacays to Disneyland, Las Vegas, and St. George
- Binge-watched entire Parks and Recreation series in a week.....

That's pretty much where I'm at. I was thinking this morning about the pros and cons of being a mid-twenties adult. For me, the biggest con is that it feels like there's no next step. *Side-note: I KNOW that the next step is marriage. I got it. We're just gonna put that aside for right now, since there's little to no way to control the timing of that eventuality.* When you were a kid/teen, you always knew the next step - whatever grade level came next, and/or passing  your driver's test, and/or graduating. Then you go to college; you choose a major, you choose which social activities to go to, which classes to take, which friends to make, etc. As you move on to adulthood (from a Mormon perspective), you get to choose whether you want to pursue getting married or serving a mission, you receive a patriarchal blessing, you go through the temple to receive your endowment, and all of these things happen according to God's will and timing as it is revealed to you. So many beautiful milestones to reach!

Well, now I've done all those things (minus marriage, but we already talked about that). So, what now? I've done all those things, I've got a great job, I pay the bills, bills, bills, I try to be a good person and stay right with God......but the overwhelming question since I got home from my mission has been "what now?" And I still don't know the answer.

I've never been good at waiting, which means I'll probably learn great things from this time in my life. For now, I'm trying to focus on the pros of being a mid-twenties adult (i.e. makin' that cheddar, road-tripping whenever I want, being independent, etc.). I also just started reading a book called The Happiness Project. I'm excited to see what fresh new ideas it holds, but ironically my favorite line from the book so far is a quote by Alfred North Whitehead: "Everything important has been said before."

I suppose time will tell.

This is How I Feel

Someday, far in the future, I will share a bit of history with my children. I will tell them of two phrases that define my generation:

The Boy Who Lived

The Girl on Fire

Their faces will hold looks of utter bewilderment. I will go back to this day in history (in my mind) and remember when I watched "The Hunger Games" for the first time.

Kind of epic.

(P.S. They only won't understand the second phrase. No child of mine will start junior high without first reading the Harry Potter series!)

February 15, 2012

Today I got my first big-girl-paycheck and opened a savings account.

Look out world!

The Classiest of Women

Two nights ago I had a dream in which I spent the day with Julie Andrews. It was the greatest dream of my life! I will compare it to that scene in "The Princess Diaries" where Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews spend the day doing things that Anne Hathaway loves, i.e. picture booth, arcade, corndog. Except it was nothing like that. The only thing I really remember is, at one point, we were listening to a song from "The Sound of Music", and I looked at her with unwavering enthusiasm and said "That's you! That is you singing!" And she, being the gracious woman that she is, simply smiled and nodded as if the knowledge that she has made beautiful masterpieces and is world renown didn't really matter. I like to think that this dream was a foreshadowing of what it will be like when I meet Julie Andrews in Heaven.

Also I have had the strong desire to watch "Mary Poppins" all evening (which is not something I would normally desire). Or "The Sound of Music".

So I just thought I'd give a shout out to the incomparable Julie Andrews. Not only is she beautiful in song and demeanor, she has rubbed shoulders with the greats (WALT DISNEY), she has starred in legendary films, and she never once forsook her high standard of behavior for the benefit of Hollywood.

Way to be, Julie. Way to be.

For Tanner and Bryan

Last night I had the pleasure of going to the little theater in the bottom of the BYU Library that shows classic films from actual film strips (not just dvds!). It was pretty neat. The featured film? "It's a Wonderful Life". As some of you may already know, I've never had fond feelings toward that movie. Three Christmases ago I decided to give it another try (since I could remember the last time I'd seen it), and realized I didn't remember hardly anything about it. It was like watching a whole new movie. And I liked it well enough. Turns out the movie was fine, I just couldn't get over Jimmy Stewart.

But as I sat in that little, boiling-hot, theater room, with adults of all ages, experiencing the magic of the movie in a whole new way, it finally clicked; the puzzle pieced together in my heart. I laughed at the clever wit of George and Harry Bailey, grimaced at Mr. Potter as best I could, felt inspired by the beauty and class of Mary, and the final scene prompted tears that would not stop! Seriously - I feel like the woman next to me was probably thinking "what is wrong with this girl??" But I didn't care; I felt so good! And I still feel good! My feelings for Jimmy Stewart haven't changed, though - sorry. But even I can admit that he performed wonderfully in that wonderful movie.

And I can finally join the rest of the world in saying "I love 'It's a Wonderful Life'!"

I feel good about that.

An Amendment, If You Please

In September of 2010, I blogged about what makes a great roommate. I am here today to add one item to that list.

What makes a great roommate? Someone(s) who will listen while you share your favorite lines from each character in the Harry Potter movies.

Now that's charity.

On a side-note, if anyone is interested in a tutorial on how to boil frozen peas and end up burning them, I'm more than willing to share my expertise.

I See The Light!

Once upon a time, I despised 80's music. I could mostly handle songs that had withstood the test of time (like Total Eclipse of the Heart and Thriller), but I had no tolerance for 80's songs that were any less popular. I even felt sick to my stomache when I learned that we would be doing an 80's concert my senior year, but that is when the tiniest ray of light began to shine through the darkness. I was introduced to a couple songs that I didn't loathe entirely, i.e. "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar and "Making Love out of Nothing at All" by Air supply. Also "We Are the World" Hahaha!

In the summer of 2010, I moved to Utah. I had been dreaming of living in Utah all of my life, but fate played a cruel trick on me. The trick being that people from Utah love 80's music, and the radio even plays songs from the 80's quite frequently. Great. BUT a few more streaks of light broke through as I discovered "If This Is It" by Huey Lewis and The News, and "Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore" by REO Speedwagon.

And then came the bolt of lightning that shattered the darkness and let all the light come shining through! Phil Collins. I used to laugh at Phil Collins, knowing nothing of his work other than our chance encounters through our mutual friend, Walt Disney, but I have seen the light! "True Colors", "In The Air Tonight", "Against All Odds", and let us not forget "Groovy Kind of Love"! I mean, come on.... where would we be without these songs?? How did I live for 21 years without the greatness of Phil Collins?!

I can never go back and undo this cruel injustice, but I can move forward and proudly proclaim that I have finally seen the light. Thank you, Phil Collins, thank you.

Thoughts I've Had Today:

#1 If I didn't have personal standards to uphold, I would be a druggie.

Today in my dental materials class we were learning how to make custom trays. This involved some powder stuff and some liquid acrylic stuff. As soon as that bottle was opened, the room smelled like a nail salon - and I loved every second. Then I thought back on Monday afternoon when I walked past a boy changing slash maybe cleaning his breaks...? I don't know what he was doing, but he was using some mechanical-smelling-spray, and it smelled so good! I just wanted to stand by his car for the rest of the night. But I didn't know him. And we all know that I've always had a hard time when filling up my car with gas.... Or if you didn't know, you do now. So chances are I'd probably snort on the daily. No needles though. That's just creepy.

#2 I couldn't find a ziplock bag anywhere in my apartment, so I wrapped my sandwich in a napkin and foil.

It was pretty funny to begin with, but by the time I took the sandwich out of my packpack to eat it, I realized that I looked like a literal hobo. Well, I am wearing makeup and scrubs, so I don't think I, personally, looked like a hobo, but as soon as I whipped that sandwich out, I probably had the school security guards watching me like a hawk with one hand on their tazers. Just kidding. We don't have security guards.

#3 Sometimes I wonder if I should keep my thoughts to myself.

July in a Nutshell

• Stadium of Fire fireworks from right outside my apartment. Woohoo!
• Missionary home, missionary leaves, missionary home. All cousins.
• Break from school/Kira comes to visit!
• HHHHAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYY PPPPPPPPOOOOOOTTTTTTEEEEERRR!
• New term
• A whole lot of tomfoolery....
• More time spent with my extended family than I ever thought possible
• Babies, babies, babies
• Sang in Sacrament meeting with cousins Dustin, Dallen, Kalin, and Uncle Craig - dream come true
• Wendy moves to Spanish Fork!
• Meteor shower
• Deer hit our car
• 80s dance party
• Happy Birfday Harry Potter!!

Yeah...pretty good month.

In case you were wondering how I felt about the last Harry Potter...

Here's an exerpt from my journal entry from July 15, 2011 (the morning after):

"I am part of the Harry Potter generation, and my youth has just officially ended. But it ended so beautifully. So beautifully.

"I love Harry Potter. I am so proud to be a part of the Harry Potter generation. And yes, I know it's a fictional series and life will move on, and soon (for most people) Harry Potter will just be a book to read or a movie to watch or some sort of happy memory. I just wanted to share, once and for all, how much that series meant to me, and how much it has affected my life. At the close of this chapter, all I can say is: Thank you, Harry. Thank you."

I had no idea it would feel like it does. I wasn't even anticipating heartbreak! We all knew how it was going to end, and it's not like I'm never gonna watch the movies or read the books again, so I wasn't really concerned about it being the last movie. But let me make myself clear - there was a distinct change in my life from July 14 to July 15, and I'm not exaggerating. It feels different. I literally felt my childhood end and the clear prompting that it is now time to move on. Judge me if you want. I don't think I could ever explain this feeling, and I'll probably never forget it. I have been dedicated to that cause since I was 10 years old - just old enough to understand and appreciate Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for all it was worth.

And so - Did I sob/hyperventilate uncontrollably for 5 minutes after the movie ended? Yes.

Have I teared up randomly at least twice a day since I watched it? Yes.

Do I love Harry Potter more than ever? Yes.

Could I have asked for a better ending to my childhood? No.

Those are the facts. That's how I feel. Throw in a little "overwhelming gratitude", and you've got all the emotions I've had bottled up for the past 4 days. Eleven years of my life! Eleven years filled with magic.

It really was an incredible journey.

STILL Learning...

I happened upon a girl I went to college with while I was on facebook this morning. I remembered hearing that she was getting married, but didn't know if she had yet or not. So I stalked. Saw some wedding pictures on her Fbook, and instantly the judging began. Little creeping thoughts like: "she's too young", "she was very immature when we were at college", "I wonder what made her settle down", "I can't believe she went through the temple before me" (yikes), and I even sank so low (I'm ashamed to say) as to contemplate how long the marriage would last. Y-I-K-E-S!

Then I see a blog address on her Fbook page. Neat! Let's see if she still talks/thinks the same as she did a year ago. Reading, reading, creeping, judging...... Slap in the face. Oh, she's doing the best she can. She really struggles with some things like not fitting in and her mother not being alive, and she hurts in a way I never knew. Also she's doing the best she can to be a good wifey. She IS young, but she was not oblivious to the weight of her decision. She's doing the best she can.

But....isn't that what the rest of us are doing? Yup. Just like everyone else, she has flaws and trials and positive qualities and we do the best we can! I heard a phrase once that COMPLETELY changed my life, and it is this (sorry it's getting a little redundant): "You have to assume that everyone you meet is doing the best they can." That phrase helped me understand a lot of things that I couldn't before because I was so judgmental. Apparently I'm still learning.

Another quote that was given to me yesterday that I should really pay more attention to is this : "Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are the princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love." -Rainer Maria Rilke.

So I'm recommitting myself to not judge, just love. Anyone that wants to join me is more than welcome to.

Dear Mr. Lerche: Let's Get Married.

This, my friends, is Sondre Lerche. He is beautiful. Also he plays the guitar (and by "plays", I mean SHREDS). Also he sings. Also he made the whole soundtrack for Dan In Real Life, ergo he has met Steve Carell. Also he sings a song with Regina Spektor. Also he has great musical friends, like Kishi Bashi.

ALSO, I went to see him in concert last night!! I took that picture. I stood 10-15 ft away from him. I squealed like a little girl when he played/sang/said beautiful things. I enjoyed every single minute of that event, especially including the two opening acts, which were phenomenal! The first one was Kishi Bashi. He's great. The second was a band called Nightlands. Phenomenal. We got $18 tickets to a venue called "The Urban Lounge" in Salt Lake City, and there were probably around 50 people. No more than 75. It was very personal and laid back and a most unforgettable experience. I was blown away by Sondre Lerche. I was expecting Jack Johnson and I got Dream Theater! Ok, that was a GROSS exaggeration on both ends, but basically, I figured he would be a super chill, but brilliant musician like Sufjan Stevens. He IS a brilliant musician, but he was NOT chill. He rocked hard! And it was wonderful. It was all just so wonderful.

I could go on and on about that concert, but I won't. Especially because I've got a wedding to plan. Sondre and I will be married in the morning!

I want to blog today.

And so I will blog! About summertime. Now that I don't live in southern AZ, summertime is magical! The sun is nice and toasty, but the breeze makes it feel just right, and the nights are just cool enough to go for a walk or sit outside. Stores have all kinds of summer sales, the BEST fruits are officially in season, and the beauty of nature is literally everywhere. Activity options are endless! And there's good feeling all around! You get to wear sandals and shorts and go to baseball games and have picnics and be a little more cavalier about your hair and makeup... Just magical!

But I'm sure that there are quite a few people from the Eagar/Alpine area that aren't finding this summer quite so magical. Neither are those involved in the Yuma tragedy of just over a week ago, I'm sure. My heart goes out to all of them. I cannot imagine what that must feel like - to know or not know that your home has burned down; to lose someone you love because of the terrible actions of another. Not very magical at all.

But I think that we could all share a bit of our own summer magic with them through prayers. Indeed, there's not much else we can do.

"Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all choose between what is right, and what is easy."

OH MY WORD...

I am the most ridiculous person that I know of! First of all, I watched Tangled today, for the fifth time. And I got chills and cried, for the fifth time. Is that normal? Not sure. Then, I went to imdb.com to look up that main "Snatcher" from Harry Potter 7 (he's just so strangely attractive!), and ended up watching a new (to me) trailer for Harry Potter 7.2. AND CRIED!! Not just like my eyes got teary - tears streaming down my face! And of course it only got worse when I saw a picture of Hogwarts crumbling and on fire and started relating that to "the last days"...


In case I haven't proven my opening statement yet, I will go even further and share a recent experience with ya'll. Wednesday was the first day of my second term in school. I had had a nice relaxing 5 day break, filled with lots of good things, like going to Payson, seeing my favorite cousin before she moved to Texas with her husband, participating in an AWESOME regional conference and CES fireside on Sunday, hanging out with Ericka and the Girls on Thursday and Friday, having a sleep-over with Wendy on Saturday (ha...sleep-over. Yes I am almost 21), and finally - watching the Justin Bieber movie - Never Say Never - with my aunt, uncle, and cousins for Family Night on Monday. Without going into extreme detail, it's safe to say that I had Bieber Fever worse than any 12 year old I've ever met, for three consecutive days after I watched that movie. All the sudden my life was in shambles because I needed to marry that kid, and I wasn't exactly sure how to accomplish that. ANYWAY, I get to school on Wednesday, my teacher asks me and the other girl if we had a good weekend, and I nod, not thinking much of the situation because I'm still planning my wedding in my head. The other girl said No. Now let me tell you a little about her first. She is the epitome of hard work. She works at a gas station in Lehi, nannies two little girls, and goes to school. So usually her schedule is: get up at 5:00 a.m., catch the bus that gets her to the school at 6:30 a.m., wait for class to start at 8:00, go straight to work after school, get off work at midnight, do homework, go to bed around 2 or 3, and repeat. Yeah. And she works darn hard at school, trust me. Now with that in mind, let me tell you briefly about her weekend from...you know where.


She took a couple days off from work since she had a break from school, thinking that it would be a nice relaxing time. Wrong. The family she lives with (the ones she nannies for) is crazy. They believe that she has TB, because she had a SLIGHT reaction to her TB test - even though the orange paper clearly says she's good to go. But they went ahead and told everyone in their ward anyway, believing her to be contagious. So she had a nice time being avoided on Sunday as she attended church for the first time in over a year (which is a result of having to work on Sunday because the family pays her next to nothing). Wonderful. Another fun thing that happened that weekend was that the bus she was riding, along with her best friend and her best friend's baby, got in a crash, and the baby wasn't strapped down - she was holding her. I won't go into details, but know that the baby is fine. Imagine the permanent mental scars that event will cause. And finally, there was a dispute at home and....let's just say there was some domestic violence that harmed more than the people that live there. The police took care of it, and everyone in the house left for Texas, except my classmate, the two girls she nannies, and the father/instigator. So my classmate has been staying out after work even longer so as to avoid the guy, meaning she either slept in her car or walked into the house around 3:00 a.m.

And there I was planning my wedding. I've been thinking a lot about "reality" as I know it, and it is causing me to wonder more and more. What did I do to deserve the extra-fluffy life that I have? I am grateful for it, to be sure, but I can't help but think about those people (like my classmate) who have to work so much harder in life than I do and I wonder - is it better or worse in the long run? Should I be doing so much more than I am, or am I meant to just absorb the blessings I have because of the hard work and faithfulness of my parents? Is that my lot in life? Ok I don't fully know what that expression means, but the point of this rambling is that I've been doing a lot of self-evaluating, and confounded is how I would choose to describe my mind these days, so advice and/or encouragement would be much appreciated. And since this blog is way too long already, THE END!

Choices, Choices, Bills, Bills, Bills

I've been thinking about growing up. Not about whether or not I should, just growing up in general. You see, in the past 6 months, I have had some pretty intense choices to make. Each time I had two very clear options that would both be alright but led down two very different paths. But both are good! How am I supposed to choose?? The first time that happened, I thought it was a one-time-thing. The second, I assumed was coincidence. But as the third situation approached my door, I began to think a little deeper on the matter. And then reality came shining through.

This is what growing up is like. This is what being an adult is like. Up until college, the only decisions I really had to deal with were things like what to wear to school or whether or not to cry in front of my family. I didn't understand all the hooplah about "tough decisions", but I can assure you that I do now. And I am well aware of the fact that the decisions will only get more and more difficult to make. Intimidating - but I will rise to the challenge, because, as the wizend wizard, Albus Dumbledore, once said, "It is our choices, far more than our abilities, that show who we truly are." He he.

And furthermore, growing up is expensive!

That Darn Dollar Store!

Is it just me, or everytime you go to the dollar store do you come out with 100 more things than you needed? Ok, maybe not 100 but at least 3! They just always suck me in with the fact that it's only a dollar! Check it out - you can get a box of pencils for just a dollar! Or a birthday card! Or a gatorade! Or the Bible! Whaaaaat?? Yup, just a dollar.

Well clearly I need to buy it then.

Is it just me?

Idiopathic

Do you ever feel like blogging, but you don't have anything to say?

Hmm.

Of Christmas Carol Encounters

I have had some pretty interesting experiences with Christmas music in the past couple of years. So interesting, in fact, that I decided to blog about them! How lucky, right?

Last year, despite the fact that I was extremely excited for Christmas as a whole, I had this weird anti-Christmas music-complex thing going on. It was so strange! Music is one of the most wonderful gifts that has been given to mankind, and Christmas music, specifically, helps invite the Spirit in the same way that gospel and classical music can. I really just don't know why I was doing that last year. I wasn't completely against ALL Christmas music - I just didn't want to hear any of the generic/classic Christmas songs. Last year I was all about the ones that you don't hear very often or, at least, not as much. But I did NOT want to hear Joy to the World, It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas, Let it Snow, Jingle Bells, Deck the Halls, etc. What a Grinch!

This year has been special in that it is exactly the opposite of last year! You see, certain members of my household were rigidly against the playing, singing, humming, or whistling of Christmas music anytime before December 1st. I don't have a specific day that I start listening to Christmas music, but I can tell you it's somewhere around November 1st! Even so, I abided by the wishes of those around me, and I have not played a single Christmas song in my house until today. I have sung one occasionally, when it just couldn't be suppressed any longer! And I have definitely been listening to the Christmas radio station in my car for the last few weeks. Anyway, the point is that I have again learned to love and relish in the classic, jaded Christmas songs that have been around for decades, simply because I was not allowed to listen to them for so long! Since Christmas music was forbidden in my household, my desire to listen to all those wonderfully classic yuletide tunes has increased a hundred-fold, and Christmas cheer has once again been instilled in my heart and soul!

You know what they say - all's well that ends well! :)

Happy Harry Potter Week To All, and To All a Good Night!

It feels as though I have reached the end of an era, despite the fact that this era was only 6 days. Yes, today is the last day of my Harry Potter Week blogging. I'm sure that this is sad to no one but me. I'm also sure that I will blog about Harry Potter many more times throughout my life, but this is the last day of Harry Potter Week, and it's kinda sad to me. Nevertheless, on with the show.

For my last Harry Potter Week blog, I just want to reflect on my gratitude. I know that this might be crossing a line and way past ridiculous, but I am TRULY grateful that I was born in the Harry Potter generation. I mean that seriously! Not because I'm just so obsessed that my life revolves around Harry Potter, because it doesn't. I am not a very creative person. I am convinced that I lack any kind of imagination completely. Whenever I "doodle", I draw stars and hearts, and even they look terrible. I'm a perfectionist, therefore, I perfect what already exists - I do not create new things. I'm also a realist. I don't really enjoy science fiction movies or books unless they mostly involve humans, because then they're more realistic. With those character flaws in mind, that is why I truly am grateful for Harry Potter. It was introduced to me in the 4th grade, and my imagination soared! I was young enough to really get into the books, I loved the movies, and it was just so easy to pretend that they were true stories! Why couldn't there be a hidden world on the other side of England? I've never been there to have it proven otherwise! Why couldn't there be select children that are born with magical tendencies? How would I know the difference?

Did I truly believe that the Harry Potter world was real? No. But I could pretend. I was lucky enough to be born in the Harry Potter generation, and that gave me a profound opportunity to use my imagination and dare to dream that there was more to this world than the reality with which I was presented! (Side note: I already know there's SO much more than this "reality"...I'm a mormon....duh......But you know what I mean). Oh I'm just going around in circles now aren't I? Ok -

I'm grateful for Harry Potter. I'm grateful for the wonderful messages and lessons that can be learned from those books, for the constant reiteration, found within the texts, that good WILL triumph over evil, and for the imaginations it inspires. In a world where literary demand is plummeting, and the desire to read is dissolving, the Harry Potter series answers the call. It is perfect for any age. Simple, yet intriguing - applicable and adventurous. It is tasteful, it is gripping, it is great.

For Harry Potter, I am truly grateful.

Happy Harry Potter Day!

I'm sorry to report that I actually had a terrible midnight showing experience and I didn't love the movie at all, but I hope everyone had a happy Harry Potter Day anyway.

That being said, I have chosen one small topic to speak about today that won't give anything away, in case you haven't seen the movie. All I have to say is: Bill Weasley - welcome to the show! I have never been so happy with the introduction of a new character to a movie. The person they chose to play Bill is just perfect. It's like the brother that you never knew you missed until all the sudden he was there. Furthermore, I feel like the chemistry between he and Fleur was perfect, and those two were spot on. They weren't in the movie for very long, but they did their job and they did it right. I was very impressed. Oooooh FANK YOU Bill Weasley!

Once again, I hope everyone had a wonderful Harry Potter Day, and I hope you like the movie better than I did. I'm sure I will thoroughly enjoy it the next time I watch it. Peace out!